It’s no secret that life is tough. Sometimes the answers to our most troubling existential dilemmas can seem completely ungraspable—but luckily, there are a few gurus who have mastered the art of existing. INDIE has enlisted the help of none other than Insta-sensation Kirby Jenner (@kirbyjenner), prospering member of the Kardashian Dynasty and “fraternal twin” to Kendall Jenner, to impart on you, our dear readers, some of his hard-earned wisdom and success, answering the burning life questions you sent to us.
IN THE NAME OF LOVE
What is love and how do I find it?
Whoa what is love? That’s a pretty loaded question. You’ve had pizza rolls, right? You know when you bite into a pizza roll and burn the roof of your mouth? But you still eat the entire box and have the best time of your life while watching all the Shrek movies? And then the next day you feel that raw wound with those dangly strings but you don’t even care because you still enjoyed a magical moment with a special something? That. That’s what love is. How do you find it? Pretty sure it’s in the frozen food aisle. Or wherever my mom shops.
FORTIES FREEDOM
At 41, am I too old to go back to college for my degree in Special Education?
41 is the new 21. You’re never too old to learn new skills. I know they say that about dogs, but I also think it applies to humans. And dogs. And cats? I’ll look into it.
POP THAT BUBBLE
I live in a small town and I want to be myself and do my make-up cray and dress cray, but I just get scared. How can I live my truest self without fear of being judged?
Let’s talk about the feature film Bubble Boy for ten minutes. Ok, so in Bubble Boy, Jimmy Livingston (played by Jake Gyllen…hog?) is a young man without immunities and wears a giant plastic bubble so he doesn’t catch all the diseases (including chickenpox… which I have recently gotten five times). Eventually, he goes out on an adventure, which was his first time out in the world, and with a little help from his new friends, found a way to make his dreams come true. I say, be your own bubble boy. But without the bubble. Also, you sound like you have a dope opportunity, so just be true to yourself and follow your gut! And PLEASE send pics! I wanna see some cray make-up and style 🙂
KARDASHIAN KINGDOM
What are your five key tips for living your best Kardashian life?
You want five? Here’re six…
1. NEVER wake mom up before 8 a.m. on weekends
2. Apple juice is better than orange juice since we all have acid reflux
3. Never tell the family secret
4. Learn to play Super Smash Bros. because that’s the only video game we all like
5. Suggest what you want to do for your birthday on SOMEONE ELSE’S birthday because sometimes you have a twin sibling whose birthday is more important than yours and your birthday gets skipped
6. Get good at hide and seek
FINAL CALL
I have been pursuing a career in acting in L.A. for five years now and haven’t had any success landing roles. Should I keep chasing my dream?
I want to say YES, but something also tells me that you’ve got a natural talent for… hold on… kayaking? I’m a lil bit psychic, but sometimes it’s off. Ya, I’m feeling kayaking for you. So maybe give acting a few more weeks and if it doesn’t work out, just go into professional kayaking full time? Could be the best advice I’ve ever given. Or the worst. Or maybe just get a part on The Big Bang Theory. Idk. This one’s a hard question… actually… pass. Next question.
STRIKE A BALANCE
How can I be sexy and chill at the same time?
Wear red silk lingerie inside a walk-in freezer.
KIRBY’S ARK
We live in a dark world, but you seem super happy! What is your secret?
TBH, I just surround myself with as many dope animals I can find: porcupines, giraffes, racoons, hedgehogs, bunnies, apes, dogs, snakes, bearded snakes, reptiles, sticky frogs (nothing gross), kitty cats, zebras, all of the fish, moose, mice, goose, koalas, polars bears, sloths, squirrels, ostriches, 3-legged-dogs, lizards, wolves, albinos, deer, NO birds, Greg the Horse, lions, stegosaurus, lil bunnies, dolphins, turtles (obviously), mini horse, pig boys, octopus, brown bears, lambs, hippos, white tigers, buffalo, water buffalo, opossum, foxes, beetles, skunks, albatross, beavers, australian masked owls, badgers, antelope, sea lions, caribou, kangaroos, muskrats, mongooses, oxen, manatees, whales, pumas, rats, sheep, crabs, swamp deer, Bigfoots, monkeys, warthogs, woodchucks, wombats, mollusks, jellyfish, anteaters, leopards, Tasmanian devils, camels, rhinos, white rhinos, gazelles, guinea pigs, rabbits. You know… animals. Basically, the cast of The Lion King plus a few more… but not Scar. He’s bad. Spoiler alert, he kills Mufasa and it made me cry.
THANK U, NEXT
No matter what I do, I can’t seem to get over my ex. How do I move on?
I personally like to watch Katherine Heigl movies.
CLAIM TO FAME
How can I become famous?
Being famous doesn’t matter. If you do something cool and meaningful and people respond to it AND you happen to get famous, that’s chill. But it should never be the goal. Try doing things that you’re passionate about and make you happy! Or make the world a better place. Like, be a mailman. Like a very famous mailman who gets all the people their mail on time. And dogs love him. And he’s got good Knock Knock jokes that he does at your door.
HAPPY CHAPPY
I’m 34 and I still haven’t figured out the key to happiness. I feel so inferior to the people around me and I’m constantly comparing myself to others. How can I be the best version of myself?
Are you eating healthy? Are you exercising? Do you have a creative outlet? Music is pretty therapeutic. These are a few simple things I do that make me happy. Oh, and do you watch Adam Sandler movies? I’d say watch more Adam Sandler movies but nothing after 1999… so like Wedding Singer, Waterboy, Happy Gilmore, Billy Madison, Big Daddy and then STOP! Cause yeah… oof. Oh actually, Funny People was awesome. He was great in that and Judd Apatow is dope.
